Hilarious Psychopaths
by Romantic Sionis
Summary: Gotham is in the heat of a crime war. Two crime lords find themselves caught in a death trap, both injured. As they work together to escape they have a nice talk. Something they never done till now but the talk leads to them working on a relationship. As it peeks at least one their interest. Joker/Roman (M rated for blood, violence and death in later chapters.)
1. A Nice Talk

**Authors Note: I don't know why I made this other than I ship these two cause I can. (I ship them because their both rather abusive and assholes. And I really don't get the BatJokes ship at all.) I And this story... don't take it seriously. It's a crack-ship that might or might not have decent writing. This isn't a ship I advocate to be made cannon or anything, it's just something I wrote for enjoyment. Think of it as an elseworld type story on how it could go if they DID interact and perhaps developed a relationship.**

 **But seriously judge this story in a review. Also for those of you wondering what version of Black Mask I use, I kind of made my own version a bit using inspiration from the New 52. Since I kind of have some issues with having it be his mask being stuck to his face. Another thing to take note, is this has nothing to do with my story Haunting Faces. As I don't plan on really having any romance in that story.**

Joker stumbled about the place feeling lost, his head hurting like hell. Gotham was in the middle of a crime war and everyone the crime lords were in a free-for-all. And of course, Gotham city was burning, Joker wasn't quite sure where Batman was or if he'd even come out to try and bring back order.

Last thing Joker remembered was going into the building when it suddenly started to collapse on top of him. He'd gotten lucky as only a blunt object hit his head and nearly knocked him unconscious. His head was bleeding a bit and we sure he had a concussion. He looked around his vision blurry, part the building had collapsed, he didn't even remember why he came here. Now he just wanted to find himself a way out.

He found it a bit difficult to breath inside the building but kept moving, unsure if there even was an exit, suddenly around the corner he heard a noise. Groaning, sounded like someone was struggling and in pain. Curiosity took over and he made his way over. "Blackie Maskie~! Ah, so you're what made me come here~!" He spoke in a overly cheerful tone of voice, but the same time he sounded pissed.

Black Mask had his leg pinned under a piece of rubble, he looked to Joker glaring at him for a moment. He then turned his head away and used what strength he could manage to lift it up. He lifted it just enough to get his leg out, however his leg was definitely broken thus moving it was painful. "What the hell are you doing here clown!?" He said sounding more annoyed than anything.

"See that's the funny thing! I really don't remember, considering a piece of rubble hit my head. But I assume reason for me coming here was because I followed after you or something." He said glaring at him. "What was it anyway that made the building collapsed?"

"Who knows, the building already seemed unstable before I came in here. But all the others were already destroyed or burning." He said seeming to be out of breath, Joker took note how he was holding his side and notice, the side he was holding had blood dripping from it. He pieced together Black Mask got shot or something and came her to try and patch up the wound.

Either way he wasn't in a mood to really kill him or mess with him about the situation. Right now he wanted to get out of here, so he walked off a bit look for any possible exits. Roman watched him coughing a bit, the mask wasn't helping him at all so he took it off placing it to the side. He ripped off a piece of suit and used that to try and patch up his wound.

Joker looked around picking up the smell of something and begun to figure out a bit why it was difficult to breath. He could smell rotten eggs, which wasn't a good sign if it was what he was thinking it could be. He sighed frustrated, he be damned if he died due to some poison gas. With no exits though it seemed the only options were to wait for help or dig his way out.

Joker looked over back at Roman when he heard him moving. Roman haven patched up his wound, struggled to stand up. Limping was even more difficult due to his leg. He probably shouldn't be moving it at all, however it seemed he also picked up on what danger they were in as made his way toward some rubble. "Th...there isn't a lot of rubble here, behind it is a window." He said and leaned up against the wall for support when broke out into a coughing fit.

Joker nodded as Roman started to work on pulling out some the rubble being careful. Both options they had were risky, with the crime war and the fact no one knew they were here. They doubted any help would arrive in time. However if they dug their way out, one mistake could cause the rest of the building to fall down on them. For both of them the choice wasn't even questionable as Joker started to get to work too.

Roman didn't trust the madman, however he was sure if Joker wanted him dead he'd done something by now. Besides right now he really didn't have a choice but to cooperate with him. As it was the best chance he had of getting out of here alive. It took a lot of his strength and energy to ignore the pain in his leg and focus on trying to clear out an exit for both of them. All while making sure the building didn't start to collapse.

Joker felt fatigued and exhausted, all due to his concussion. If he passed out he doubted Roman would be able to drag him out of the building though. Led alone clear out the rubble on his own. So in order to try and stay awake he started talk to him. "So... You haven't happened to catch sight of the bat have you?" He wasn't really sure what to talk about with Black Mask. They rarely if even spoken to each other. Coming to think of it, Black Mask seemed to avoid just about everyone in Arkham and Blackgate.

Roman glanced at him trying. "No I haven't.." He said trying to keep his breathing steady. He could tell, Joker looked tired and took note of his head wound. So he decided to keep the conversation going if it meant Joker stayed awake and remained being useful. "So... um why exactly did you follow me in here?... I get you say you don't remember, but if the building hadn't collapsed..." He broke out into another coughing fit, his chest hurt. He was unable to finish his sentence and worked through it as pulled out a big piece of rubble.

Joker helped him a bit pull it out and decided to answer it. "If you're thinking I was going to kill you... probably not. I mean what reason would I have to kill you? I have no interest in ruling over Gotham the way you do!" He said and coughed a bit as well, but wasn't as bad as Romans. He groaned as he pushed another piece of rubble aside. "Only time I think I ever REALLY wanted you dead was when you tried stealing my job! Copycat."

Stealing his job, didn't take long to figure out what Joker meant. Stephanie Brown was a Robin he killed or almost killed. "Yeah... except neither of us succeeded in keeping a Robin dead. So I guess we both suck at that job." He nearly regretted it once he realized what he said, thinking Joker would lash out instead, the clown broke out into a fit of laughter.

"Hahaha! I didn't think you had a sense of humor Maskie!" He said, if he was angered at all by the comment he wasn't showing it. You could never know with Joker. "Honestly why is it you never work with anyone, aside from the assassins you hire. Who are even more shit at their jobs it seems?" It was an honest question that seemed to bug Joker, the two them weren't stopping for a second as they talked and cleared out the rubble.

They could see light coming behind some the rubble, it seemed they were close to freedom. Roman figured he should be careful what he says to the clown, as once they were both out. They wouldn't need each other at all, why Joker could just kill him. "Well put simply... I don't LIKE any of them or trust them. And I'm not one to pretend I do or kiss ass to someone I don't like or trust."

Joker smirked seeming to be amused. "Now that, I can of some amount of respect for. Let me guess you don't wanna be like mommy and daddy?" He spoke in a more teasing tone of voice perhaps testing him to see if he got under his skin or something.

Roman nodded, Joker hit the mark perfectly. "Yeah... wait how do you know about them?"

Joker cleared his throat as they cleared out the last of the rubble. "Harls, she worked at Arkham could tell me anything I wanted to know about anyone in there! Just because there's doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't mean the doctors won't share gossip if they think they won't tell anyone." He said chuckling a bit, surely they cleared out the rubble enough to get to the window. Joker took a large rock and used to break the glass. "Oh look we're free now!"

He could hear sirens blazing around, seemed like the war had ended. He wondered if there even was a victor or who won it. No matter, they were both free. Joker was the first the climb over and the down moving the glass away to not cut himself. Roman struggled due to his leg to get over and out the window. He was utterly exhausted and couldn't move much more.

Now he realized, he was in a more hopeless situation, if the clown wasn't happy at all with him he could kill or torture him. And there'd be not much Roman could do, he barely had any strength to stand back up. And even if he did he couldn't run with his broken leg.

Joker stretched breathing in the fresh air before turning to face Roman. "I actually enjoyed our chat Maskie!" He said seeming to be just as exhausted as Roman, though it was due to his concussion. Before he could say anything else though, some police cars came driving over and stopped spotting the two, the police immediately got out their cars and pointed guns at the two.

"Hands up now!" An officer called.

Joker groaned in annoyance and put his hands up anyways. "Oh, I hope we get a cell together or maybe we'll be neighbors so we can continue our talk!" He said loud enough for Roman to hear. He sighed and put his hands up. Neither of them were in a condition to fight. On the bright side of being arrested, they'd get free medical care.


	2. Alliance

**Authors Note: Yes I'm kind of going back and forth between this story and my other story when it comes to uploading and updating chapters. Mostly cause I find it easier. And just works for me the time being, I do intend each of my stories at least once a week. So I hope you all enjoy.**

Roman had found himself to be locked up in Arkham, he did make a decent recovery though there was still some pain in his leg. At least now he was able to walk without the need of any assistance or crutches, but the downside now was he had to go socialize with other inmates. Though most inmates didn't bother him unless they wanted something from him usually, or just to annoy him. Which was something Joker seemed quite skilled in.

Joker was the first one who decided to approach him in the lounge area, though Roman took note of healing bruises on his face. While Black Mask spent month's in recovery, Joker didn't need as long to recover. And he actually broke out of Arkham, only to be thrown back into Arkham once he finally came out of hiding or whatever. Unlike usual, Roman was the one to start the conversation. "So what exactly did you do when you were out?" He asked, somewhat curious and though he wasn't showing it concerned.

He wasn't concern for Gotham or innocent people-no, but he was concerned that Joker may have taken their nice chat personally. Despite being locked up, Roman still had all his connections in tact and his business was still operation. He only hoped Joker didn't do anything that'd effect it or him as some sort of revenge. Course if he did he knew the clown would wanna brag about or say something about it. Just so that he'd know it was him.

Joker gave him a smile and took a seat across from him in a chair. "Not a lot surprisingly, kidnapped the two candidates for mayor. Blew up some things in the harbor and also put a smile on the faces of everyone at a boring charity event." So far all those thing lined up really with what Roman heard on the news. It made him think, is Gotham's justice department aware that the death penalty exist?

But at the same time, he wasn't one to complain- Roman was sure that he'd also be right with Joker on death row if Gotham's justice department pushed for it. "Uh-huh." Was all he could say in acknowledgement and waited to see if Joker had more to add.

Joker kicked his feet up on the office table as leaned back in his seat. "So hows that leg of your doing? Did it recover or did they have to cut off and give you a new one?" Joker was way too relaxed it seemed and was acting casual, friendly at that. A bit too friendly for Romans liking. Though he knew the clown was always rather carefree aside from his burst of anger at times. And thinking on it, he and Joker rarely ever talked either because neither of them saw reason to talk often. Or simply because they didn't seem to ever clash or cross paths with each other aside from a few occasions.

"It recovered just fine." He muttered eyeing Joker, Roman was always cautious when dealing with others. He didn't trust anyone easily. And he wasn't going to be foolish enough to trust Joker. While yes they did help each other, it was a temporary alliance and both of them were in danger. That and he wasn't sure what Joker was going to say to him before the cops show up, for all he knew the clown intended to kill him right than and there.

Joker took notice that Roman was on guard, however he kept relax and decide to change subject. "Anyways, I'd like to continue our nice talk from last time Maskie~!"

While he didn't trust him, Roman would be lying if he said he wasn't at all curious about the Joker had to say. While he doubted the clown- for good reasons. At the same time not listening to him or refusing to talk could lead to them coming too blows against each other. Roman knew there were a few people who managed to befriend the clown, some of whom did benefit but the same time befriending The Joker came with it's own downsides. And could end just as badly as befriending him.

Regardless, Roman didn't see an opportunity to breakout of Arkham yet and he was rather bored, so he decided to listen the lunatic had to say. "Go on."

Joker put his feet down and leaned forward in his chair to look Roman in eyes. "Well you see Maskie, at first I thought were all serious which... I was right about but you aren't boring at least. And you actually do have a sense of humor, somewhat. Anyways our last conversation, got me thinking why is it we never talk much? Or work together?"

"Because you're a lunatic." Roman stated and was about to add to it but Joker beated him to it.

"And you're someone whose _professional_ with a business to run and doesn't like to fool around." While probably would've worded it differently and not in a sarcastic tone, he was rather spot on. "But even with you getting arrested, you and your men still somehow manage to come out on top and still run your business." So Joker perhaps did find somethings out while he was out of Arkham. "Which shows your men are more reliable than most and-or you just know what you're doing."

Roman did indeed know what he was doing and he did have people who were reliable but stayed in line. "So what's the point in this conversation Joker?"

"Jeez, eager to get to the punchline aren't we?" Joker said chuckling a bit. "You were there trapped in that building with me, alone with no protection or way to defend yourself. Yet you acted like-you." Roman started to understand why that make Joker take some amount of interest. Not many people were dumb or brave enough to insult the clown right to his face. "But I think what happened that night proves we can get along work find together, so what do you say?"

"So, you're suggesting an alliance? What exactly is it you want?" Roman already made up his mind, no way in hell was he working with the clown. He didn't see how any good can come from working with him. Joker wasn't someone he could control or intimidate either, on top of it all he was unpredictable.

Joker hummed going into thought, perhaps thinking of how to word what he wanted to say that or Joker really wasn't sure what he wanted out of an alliance with him. "Well firstly, I kind of killed half my men and some well... ran off somewhere. No clue where they went but you have the resources to find them, right?" Joker probably was wanting answers from them or going to kill them himself. "Secondly, think how useful we'll be together I mean- someone would have to be insane to mess with both of US~! Thirdly and this is the most important one so pay attention!"

Roman kept silent though he listened expecting this to be some sort of joke.

"I'd like access to all your nice toys and also I hear you're a fan of torture, well so am I. SO we do have things in common!" Joker said with a smile. "So what do you say, you in."

Joker seemed to be absolutely serious, even so Roman couldn't trust him. Alliances among crime lords can only last so long and get you so far. Roman figured he be better off alone rather than work with someone he'd have no control over. Even if Joker promised not to kill or back stab him, it wouldn't guarantee Joker wouldn't. Roman stood up haven decided that he listened to the clown long enough. "As _flattering_ as your offer is clown, I'll decline." He spoke in a mocking tone and walked off.

Joker stood up. "That fine, you'll come around I'm sure and my offer will still be standing~!" He said laughing. From the sound of it, Roman doubted this would be their last talk even when they got out of Arkham. Joker had something planned clearly, he had no clue what it was but he decided he watch his back from now on and try and find out before Joker put whatever he had planned into motion.

 _ **Later that Night**_

Roman laid down in his cell feeling fully awake, he asked some the guards he paid off to try and figure out if Joker had something planned for him. And to figure out what it was before Joker could act it out. What kind of game was Joker trying to play at? And why? It seemed all too odd that NOW Joker wanted to work with him. Suddenly there was loud explosion echoing through the building followed by another. "The hell!?" Roman got out of his bed hearing it, all the electronic doors to all the inmates cells suddenly started to open.

Roman stepped out in the hall realizing whoever it was that did this, was starting a breakout. Suddenly a voice spoke over the intercom and that answered his question on WHO it was that was responsible. "RISE AND SHINE INMATES~! Now your chance for for freedom, oh and I have a message to give to a special someone. May the owner of a black skull mask please come to the office to reclaim it!"

Roman growled and began to move past inmates, the clown wanted his attention he got it. However Roman wasn't a fool and had a feeling that whatever it was the clown planned it might be a trap. But the same time, that mask was a prized possession to him. And he was sure Joker was somewhat aware of that, probably the smartest thing Joker could do to make Roman come to _him._

It didn't take long for guards to come up and try stop the inmates, however the guards who got paid by Roman kept the others busy for him. As for the inmates they were focused on either escaping or fighting off the guards. Once Roman got the office he opened the door, surprised there was no traps at all. Just Joker there sitting in the office chair with his mask in hand observing it. "What so special about this? Other than it looks professionally made?" Joker questioned and eyed him. "So glad my hunch about this being important to you was right... I mean how embarrassing would it be if I just waited and waited only for Batsy to show up and see me here waiting for you." He said and laughed. "Course if that did happen, I wouldn't be a happy clown."

Roman walked toward him. "Just give it back to me and we can each go our own ways." He said, he was sure Batman would probably show up to probably stop the inmates from all escaping. So the sooner he got out of here the better.

Joker stood up from the chair and shook his head. "Hm, actually I'm curious to try it on. Oh does it give you a special power~? That why you wear it all the time?" He questioned seeming excited and put the mask on. "Huh.. don't feel any different." Joker actually seemed disappointed as he took it off and tossed it back to Roman. "Junk is all that is! But seriously, you wear it every time your working... which is a lot. Does it ever itch or feel uncomfortable, do you sleep with it on?"

Roman glared at him as he caught the mask, he ignored all his questioned and headed out putting his mask on as he did. At this point Joker was just wasting his time. However the clown wasn't giving up that easily and of course, followed after him. "Oh wait, wait Maskie don't I get a thank you~? I mean I gave you an escape and found your mask for you. Considering you bothered to come talk to me proves you wouldn't leave this place without it. Meaning your probably would've spent who knows how long try to find your mask instead of getting out of here." Joker actually got him on that point even so.

"I have guards I pay off here, once I was ready to get out I was just going to have one of them take me to it or bring it to me." Roman said clearly agitated and started to walk at a faster pace. But Joker grabbed hold of him by the arm and dragged him into a different direction.

"You don't wanna go that way unless you wanna get blown up!" He said chuckling taking him toward a different exit route, surely enough after a few minutes Roman heard an explosion come from the direction he was going toward before Joker pulled him away. "Now what do you have to say~?" Clearly Joker was doing it for his benefit as well as entertainment. "And maskie, you aren't the only one who pays off guard."

Roman pulled away freeing himself from Jokers grip. He glared at him and spoke. "Thank you... but don't touch me again." He growled now feeling more agitated before and on guard, he wasn't going to trust the clown. Still feeling Joker had something else for him planned. Eventually the two made it outside, though chaos was still going on inside.

Joker smirked and headed to one the cars out in the front, he got into the driver seat and got it started. "Come on Maskie! Lets go on a joyride together, unless you wanna greet the cops and bat when they get here." He said whistling casually, off in the distance Roman could see why cops or Batman hadn't shown up yet to stop the breakout. There was smoke in the distance and Gotham seemed to be in chaos, it was still recovering from the crime war so of course this was a big issue for the GCPD. Roman looked to Joker, the chaos in the city he imagine would distract Batman for so long. And the time of it was too convenient for it to not be apart of Jokers plan, whatever it was.

He growled and went to the car about to get in, but Joker locked, but kept his window rolled down. "No, no only give rides to friends and-or business partners! So now you're in?" Of course Joker would try and push him to agree with him. "Oh, and I guess you could try and hot-wire one the other cars... some I had guards put bombs in so if you're feeling lucky go for it!"

On one hand Joker very well could be lying, considering the amount of time he'd needed on the other hand, Roman really wasn't one to take unnecessary risk on the off chance the clown did manage to do so. And he really just wanted to get out of Arkham. And regardless he'd have to be careful of Joker, so why not keep his threat close? "Fine, I'll work with you."

Joker chuckled and unlocked it, allowing Roman to get in. "Oh I knew you'd come around, we're going to have so much fun. You won't regret this~! Why soon enough you'd think, _wow why didn't I work with Joker before!_ " Roman was already regretting this but Joker already put the car in drive and locked it before driving off. So there was really no getting out until they arrived at whatever place Joker planned on driving them too.


	3. Chapter 3

Joker had eventually stopped the car at his hideout, Roman eyed Joker suspiciously not trusting him still. And not willing to drop his guard. "Why are we here?" Black Mask asked as he unbuckled and got out the car, he was surprised he didn't have a heart attack but even more surprised Joker didn't crash the car with his reckless driving.

"Well since we're working together, I figure I show you my humble abode!" The clown spoke in a cheerful tone of voice and got out his car, making his way inside. "Besides, I'm not going to your place unarmed!" The clown really wasn't a fool, Roman wouldn't go in until Joker did and even than was hesitant. He was somewhat surprised that no one else but them was there. He knew Harley left him though he wondered if Joker told the truth about his men running off.

Joker turned around to face him once Roman walked in. "Well go on, take a seat! Make yourself at home." He said chuckling softly.

"Thanks, but I rather stand." Roman muttered and watched the clown made his way over to a table to get something off of it.

"Fine, suite yourself." Joker grumbled now seeming less cheery and more annoyed, either at Roman's attitude or something else entirely. Either way, Roman figured if he had any hope of leaving this place alive it would be best not to test Joker. Especially in his own hideout."Think fast!" He was caught of guard Joker suddenly threw something at him, Roman caught it and saw it was a gun.

At least it wasn't a bomb or grenade, Roman eyed him suspiciously. "You're giving me this?"

"Well of course! Did the electric shock therapy make you forget what city we live in?" He said in a sarcastic yet serious tone. As he grabbed a gun for himself and loaded it. "Besides, I hear you're quite the marksmen!" He said turning his back from Roman for just moment to look at some other weapons he had on the table, perhaps trying to figure out exactly what to bring.

Roman looked at the gun and had a feeling in his gut something wasn't right. Especially with how the gun felt, if he wanted to he could shoot Joker here and now, be done with it all. However, what stopped him was he felt like Joker wanted him to do that. Roman was hot tempered however there were times he needed to think before he acted. He had a feeling if he were to pull the trigger, instead of a bullet a flag with the word _BANG_ would come out instead or something like that.

Joker eventually go the stuff he wanted and turned to face him grinning. "Alright lets go." He said and thew Roman the keys. "You drive though." Roman looked at the keys and head back to the car, Joker following after him he was quick to get into a passenger seat. Once Roman got in the driver seat and started the car, Joker leaned back putting his feet along the dashboard. "So which one of your fancy hideouts are going to!?" The clown asked, seeming somewhat enthusiastic.

"The one that's closest." Was all Roman responded with as he backed up the car and drove off. Of course he was still a bit on edge, wondering if things at Arkham settled down or not yet. For all he knew Batman could be right on their trail as they speak. Joker stared at him, and reached over to poke at his mask more than annoy him.

"So is the mask made out of your father's or mother's coffin?" Joker asked, as to make conversation to pass the time or to try and get under his skin, perhaps even a combination of the two.

"Does it matter which?" It was a rhetorical question of course, as he made a sharp turn, taking one the back-roads as there would be less traffic. Joker chuckled in amusement at Roman's response.

"You know what Maskie, before I thought you were dull, brooding and all business just like the bats. Turns out-" Before Joker could continue Black Mask cut him off.

"Didn't we already have this conversation?" He muttered, focusing on the road and not looking at Joker.

"Let me finish!" Joker snapped but calmed down after a moment. "Anyways after the night we got trapped in a building, I got more curious and after having a talk with Harley a learned something else new that made me a bit jealous."

"And what was that?" The only time Black Mask could think Joker was jealous was the time he tortured and killed Stephanie Brown.

"Why what you did with Cat's sister, Marg, Margret... Maggie, Maggot? Whatever her name was.." Her name wasn't all that important anyways in Joker's mind. "Anyways, is it true you kidnapped her and her fiances, tortured the fiance to death and force her to eat the love of her life? And that it completely broke her mentally and emotionally."

Roman was a bit thrown off by Joker bring that up but didn't hesitate to answer. "Yes."

Joker chuckled a bit. "See... I'm jealous of that, because I didn't think of it! I mean... imagine if I did that to Batman or one his boy-wonders or bat-girls!? Well now I can't because you had to think of it first and use it on Cat's sister of all people!"

"Well would you have really rather I used it on a Robin instead?" Roman asked, already knowing the answer to it too. "Is that why you wanna suddenly ' _hangout_ ' with me?" Part of Roman's paranoia kicked in at the thought Joker was plotting to actually kill but he wasn't showing any fear, rather he was preparing himself mentally so if push came to shove. He'd be ready to put up a fight or crash the vehicle if need-be.

"Yes and no." Joker said smirking as he stretched. "I'm really interested in picking your brain a bit, as it seems you're very, very creative. And your thinking is just like mine. Cat pissed you off, so what do you do to get back at her? You hurt someone she loves, so you could hurt her in the worst way! Just like what I do Bats!" Joker's eyes brightened seeming excited. "I don't know why you're so anxious or nervous around me, I mean from my perspective this is the start of beautiful friendship!"

 _Friendship my ass Joker. I'm not falling for whatever game you're trying to play._


End file.
